Formal Self-Introduction Draft
To: Ms Shirley Alexander
From: Athena Benedict
Date: 23rd January 2019
Subject: Athena - The Social Butterfly: A self introduction
From: Athena Benedict
Date: 23rd January 2019
Subject: Athena - The Social Butterfly: A self introduction
Firstly, I would like to take this chance to share both the highlights of my past year and the things in store for me this upcoming year. My name is Athena and I am a Year 2
student pursuing a degree in Hospitality Business at the Singapore Institute of
Technology (SIT). In my first year, I challenged myself at competitive Canoe Sprinting and learnt so much about myself. This year, I will begin my internship in the Front Office Department at The Warehouse Hotel. This would make 2019 the most exciting year yet.
In an industry that is service centric where kindness and empathy is valued, I have also learnt the need to be bold with
expressing my many thoughts. I think of myself as a conversationalist as I enjoy sharing experiences and learning about the world from outside my own perspective. However, this brings about a lack in clarity as I express my thoughts haphazardly. It has the potential to either confuse or upset another
person and this goes against the idea of putting others before self. Therefore, I hope to be able to better
organize my thoughts and understand the process behind effective communication
to create and maintain better relationships with the peers around me.
In my desire for strong connections and conversations, I struggle to understand the correct timing to interject my opinions or experiences. Thus, I hope to learn the necessity of listening to others and understand the timing flow in a conversation. For instance, understanding the Johari Window has enabled me to question my self-awareness.
In my desire for strong connections and conversations, I struggle to understand the correct timing to interject my opinions or experiences. Thus, I hope to learn the necessity of listening to others and understand the timing flow in a conversation. For instance, understanding the Johari Window has enabled me to question my self-awareness.
Thank you for taking your time to read my
strengths and weaknesses and I am extremely grateful for the guidance you are willing to
provide through this module. I look forward to these lessons because of the practical tips I am learning every week! I hope to hear from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
Athena Benedict
Hi Athena,
ReplyDeleteI think it your email is a great introduction to yourself for the assignment. It is quite detailed and the points that were brought up was clear and succinct. I would like to suggest some adjustments to further enhance your introduction. For your first paragraph, it would be best to type out the number two. I understand you have stated your goals, however, it would be great if it is related back to CPD as a whole. Additionally, you could elaborate more on what you have done during your polytechnic. I wish you all the best. Thank you.
Best regards,
Fazlur
Hi Athena,
ReplyDeleteGreat job in this email! I really enjoyed the structure of this email as you didn't introduce your strengths and weaknesses in the usual way such as "My strength is... & my weakness is...", yet I could still understand what you were referring to as your strengths and weaknesses. Just some minor things I would recommend including/changing:
1. You may want to include Dear Ms Shirley at the start of your email.
2. I would recommend switching the position of your first and second sentence as I feel it makes more sense to introduce yourself first.
3. I feel you could be clearer in explaining in the introduction what you will be covering in this email. For example, instead of just sharing your past experiences and your upcoming year, you also covered their strengths/weaknesses and what you hope you achieve from this CPD module.
I hope this helps! All the best in achieving your goals, you already are making progress :-)
Greetings Athena,
ReplyDeleteThis self introduction email of yours is really very well written. It is very unique and it is written with a consistent use of language. I personally like the way you addressed your subject and your second paragraph. Great work Athena!
Here are some of my observations and suggestions:
1. As mentioned by Rachel, it will be good to address the person you are writing to as, " Dear Ms Alexander".
2. It will be good to start your introduction email with, "I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself..." so that there will be a flow. So introduction sentence, your name and what you are currently doing followed by why you took hospitality business and your hobbies and interest, etc.
3. Noticed that you only wrote your degree course in paragraph one. You might want to state your diploma and maybe why you decided to take hospitality business or why it attracted you.
Do feel free to change according to your preference. I enjoyed reading your self introduction email. In overall, great work and effort. :)